In the 1st part of this 2 part series, I laid out the first 6 painful lessons I learned in 2022. See Part 1.
This second part might be more personal and in some cases less practical, but I hope most of you relate and can properly adjust for 2023.
Unfair advantage is real and comparison is the thief of joy
In early 2021, around Easter Holidays, I went through a 3-week anxiety attack that rendered me productively useless. I am talking about heart palpitation, struggling to breathe properly, and a constant feeling of expected doom.
I was advised to go for therapy and the root cause ended up being the pressure I placed on myself to succeed. This was insightful but unfortunately not a solution as the problem was a mentality that I had carried for years. Not succeeding used to be my ultimate fear.
At the start of this year, a favorite YouTuber of mine - Ali Abdaal - explained from a book he read how hard work does not directly correlate to success that is measured against our business idols and competitors. He introduced a concept called ‘unfair advantage’ - where life is fundamentally unfair because different people succeed through elements of luck, resources, circumstances, privilege e.t.c
So not everyone starts from an equal footing. We all have our starting point and some start way ahead of others.
It is nearly impossible to build to the level of Jeff Bezos as a kid who went through public school in Kenya and had a humble upbringing. The resources Bezos had; his race, schooling, access to capital, network, and size of the middle-class market in the US already show that.
He points out that (success = fair play x unfair advantage) and that everybody has their own version of unfair advantage.
All we can do as builders is to be aware of the limitations that are not ours, tap into what gives us an edge, then focus.
Anytime you compare yourself to someone else, you are hurting the beauty that is your journey to your own version of greatness.
Question your ego, don’t let your ego question you
I have now learned that questioning your ego is the most important part of personal and professional growth, as it helps you to become more self-aware and to recognize when your ego may be getting in the way of your growth.
I have seen ego stall so many careers. Some might have even become industry giants in the fields. We learn a little and feel like we are ready. We are never really ready for anything. The world values us when we are evolving. The whole idea of humanity is evolution.
I am now always checking if it’s my ego making decisions or my logic/emotions - in my relationships and work.
Don’t get me wrong, while having a healthy ego is important for self-confidence and self-esteem, an overdeveloped ego can lead to selfishness, arrogance, and a lack of empathy or consideration for others.
The ego has a weird way of ruining beautiful personal journeys. Always question it.
The power of the right type of people around you
"You are the product of your surroundings. So choose the environment that will best develop you toward your objective. Analyze your life in terms of its environment. Are the things around you helping you toward success - or are they holding you back?" - W. Clement Stone
People make fun of people who cut off people towards the end of the year.
I admit it is funny. Mostly because of the consistent timing every December and the mentality they use.
When it comes from a more reflective space that is grounded by your ambition and self-development, this is actually a very good strategy.
I am lucky to have;
A close-circle friend group that keeps me highly accountable
A wife that is caring and deeply supportive
A mother that has sacrificed so much for me to have the tools and resources to simply exist and compete in this world full of opportunities
A business partner who one can confuse to be an oracle. He thinks and sees too far
A mentor and business leader who has held my hand gently and guided me past the dark abyss that is doing business in Africa
A network pool of creators and young entrepreneurs that I have had absolute joy in helping towards opportunities as I learned to borrow from their passionate demeanors
This still hasn’t been enough to elevate my overall growth to where I want it to be. My plan for 2023 is to expand my environment even more.
People around you either make you or break you. Be intentional with your environment.
Don’t be blind to red flags
I will be very direct here. If you like some things about people you meet personally and professionally but there are hints of red flags, BELIEVE THEM!!!!
Some people have a sharpened ability to show you a side of them that they know you want to see.
Even if that side is true, two things can always be true. They might genuinely have something great to offer and still be bad people at the core.
Don’t switch off your red flag radar. Wear it on your head always. Believe it.
Busyness, business, and waiting for your pitch
This is personal. Only indulge me if you relate.
The idea of 90-hour work weeks, thousands of emails, no sleep, and full calendars is the most unproductive thing ever invented. Especially in this new economy. Free up your time to think, breathe, strategize and be open to better opportunities.
One of my favorite writers this year has been Sahil Bloom and this is what he says about the concept.
‘If you take on every 1x opportunity, you'll find yourself incapable of jumping at the 10x opportunity when it pops up.
By having free time, you have the headspace and bandwidth to take on those 10x opportunities when they come your way.
In the long run, life doesn’t reward you for the number of swings you take, it rewards you for your outcomes.’
Focus on identifying the most attractive pitch. When it comes, swing hard and don’t miss it.
NO
One of my biggest weaknesses in life is the inability to say NO. This has hurt me and ruined many potentially great relationships. How? Do you ask?
I have found myself overcommitting to things that I have had no time and space for. Ended up not fulfilling promises and ghosted people out of shame.
This is a lesson I am honest enough with myself to know that it will take longer to learn and adjust to.
I will slowly build awareness of every request and get the courage to asses and say NO if it will lead to over-commitment.
No fancy end line here. I am yet to learn the lesson myself :)
6.5. Honorary Mention - Embrace Friction + Have those tough conversations
I will write more about this once I develop the skill. As of now, I am just like you. Just maybe more aware of its implications in life.
This is me learning how to be more vulnerable, honest, and raw with my learnings.
The next article will be - 10 Big ideas that I will apply to my life in 2023.
I will appreciate every subscription, share, or engagement.
Have a prosperous end of 2022. See you next year. <3
Wow! great read and great lessons indeed.
I love and I have learnt from this article, Happy 2023